Daily Fucking Thought

"The One"

"The one" is a myth that lonely, single people tell themselves while dildo shopping so they don't have to think about their love handles and inability to compromise.  In a world of six billion people, the idea of one soul mate is an impossible dream, especially if you don't have internet access, can't travel outside of your township or were born Jehovah's Witness. 

You can increase your chance of finding "the one" if you become bi-sexual or just marry the first guy that comes along and pretend. 

Show How Much You Care

Showing how much you care is easy, even if you don't have money for cubic zirconias or a non-weekend cell phone call.  Just forward the women you love an email about sisterhood and/or how not to get kidnapped at the mall or post a Facebook status about how much you love your boyfriend and ask others to copy and paste it if they love their boyfriends, too.

Nothing says "I love you," like a couple of clicks of a mouse, not even real life hugs.

Home is Where the Heart is

Which means home is in Burbank at Kevin's house which means you can't go home because the judge believed his bullshit even though his photos were blurry and now you can't get within 50 feet of home despite the fact you carried the mortgage for 7 months while Kevin was raking in disability and he didn't pay you back because he said you were never dating even though you used to do naughty things together even though he wouldn't walk with you in public and sometimes mispronounced your name and you know you should get over him but you can't because there's no one else especially now that you got fat and your sarcasm isn't seen as cute anymore now it just seems bitter and no one wants to be around a bitter, fat girl because you are the company you keep.