Daily Fucking Thought

Good Things

All good things must come to an end or else there's no room for the bad things, also known as the more interesting things.  In life, like in telenovelas, the drama keeps things exciting.  Your mom likes you, but even she's getting tired of hearing how well your life is going. 

The bad things in life often turn into good things because they get you so much attention, especially with your therapist.

Money

If money can't make you happy, then nothing can make you happy so just throw in the towel.  Money buys any material thing you can fantasize about, and it also earns the respect and envy of your neighbors and parents, which is a therapeutic self-esteem boost.

If you're still feeling unhappy, money can send you to a nice rehab or pay for daily therapy. 

Pets

Pets offer endless love and affection based solely on your buying kibble, which makes them better than any human relationship on the planet.  Moreover, pets offer an opportunity to practice your parenting skills before you birth human children. 

Try on different roles - the laid back parent, the disciplinarian, the dad who smokes pot with their kid - and see how your pet turns out.  If it's not how you'd like it, add another one to your family and start over.  If you mess up your pet, he may pee on the carpet out of rebellion, but he won't drag you into therapy and then ask you to pay for it.