Daily Fucking Thought

Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a choice - one you make when you decide to lie to yourself about being happy.  Even if you can't afford a yacht or regret having children, you can still wake up every morning and pretend that you're dumb enough to be happy.

Pretending to be thin or rich doesn't work, though, because saddlebags and threadbare underpants are more tangible.

Nature is Cruel

Nature is cruel - with that whole survival of the fittest thing and hare lips - so it's just natural when you're cruel.  Every time you cyber-bully or slaughter a pony, it's okay - you're just acting out the natural order of things.   

And just for the record, Mother Nature is cruel because she suffered a childhood of abuse and battles low self-esteem.

Prove Yourself

When you're wearing pants, no one can see the size of your penis, unless it's windy or you're wearing leggings.  In order to prove you've got a big one, use a large, SAT-worthy vocabulary and treat waitresses like servants.  If someone treats you as a lesser-than, make sure to cut straight to the core, ridiculing his adopted children or his wife's saddle bags. 

If you have a small one, heed the same advice, just use more swear words and drink more to dull the pain.