Daily Fucking Thought

Lesser Punishments

God doesn't always punish you with big things like cancer and divorce, sometimes he gets creative with acne scarring or adult braces.  The punishment usually fits the crime, so think twice before you cold-shoulder your mailman or stop feeding your daughter's goldfish. 

And sometimes he doesn't punish you directly, so if your cat has AIDS, it's probably your fault.

Crying

It's okay to cry as long as you're alone or in a peep show booth with one-sided glass.  Sometimes you just have to let it all out or else you're going to have a panic attack or asphyxiate your son's hamster again. 

Just don't let anyone see you - crying is the ultimate form of vulnerability, a.k.a. the death of your penis.

Attention Equals Love

Attention equals love, just ask Kathy Griffin or Joey Buttafuoco.  Whether it's positive attention, like a hug after a successful afternoon of lovemaking, or negative attention, like a time-out after killing your family schnauzer, all attention is good because at least if you die tomorrow you won't be forgotten.

The good news is that if you're ugly or a redhead, you can still get love by leading a life of crime.