Daily Fucking Thought

A Dog's Life

If you're a dog, you'll never be self-conscious about your genitals and the world is your bathroom.  You'll never have to squeeze into tight denim pants or small talk your gynecologist when she's knuckle-deep.  Sure, you might live in a carpeted van with a convicted flasher, but as long as he lets you lick his face and keeps plenty of Snausage on hand, you're happy.   

Besides the whole neutering thing, it really is a dog's life.

When it Rains, it Pours

When one bad thing happens, like you break your toe in the shower or you accidentally asphyxiate a neighbor's pet, many other bad things are coming your way.  This is God's way of testing your fortitude to see if you get to make it to the next round. 

If you're weak or don't have enough money in your emergency fund, at the first sign of trouble, take to your bed or flee the country.  Avoid answering the phone, electronics, and the deaf.