Daily Fucking Thought

Drunken Fights

Fighting is better done while inebriated, when all your unadulterated emotions can come out without any interference from rational thought.  Drunken fights are easy to let go, usually because you can't remember what they're about and you completely forget that Linda called you a moo and told the whole bar about your abortion. 

Drunken physical fights are also usually better because you can't feel your teeth leave your gums and you don't tense up before you smack the pavement.

Playing the Victim

Playing the victim can be fun, especially if your husband doesn't watch a lot of UFC or is elderly.  Victims usually get more Hallmark cards and pity parties and aren't expected to be happy, which means you can stop the Zoloft.

Playing the victim is always important after fender-benders and frat parties.

Get Physical

If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Instead, get physical. A split lip hurts more than cyber bullying and a good rabbit punch to the cranium is more effective than slander.

After all, actions are louder than words.