Daily Fucking Thought

Allergies

Having allergies is normal - it just means you're genetically inferior and/or God's trying to kill you.  Seasonal allergies are pitiful, but "sensitivities" are abhorrent - especially to things that don't actually exist, like sulfites and gluten.      

The excessive rise of nut allergies in elementary schools either means we're raising a bunch of pussies or God's trying to start over.

Surround Yourself

You are the company you keep, which means you probably shouldn't hang out with trannies, bitches, or tranny bitches.  Also to be avoided are those who wear velvet blazers or who make racist remarks, because that's so late 90's.

Surround yourself with smart, rich people to whom witty repartee and pussy come naturally.

Intuition

Intuition is just paranoia that turns out to be correct.  Most people get goose bumps alone in a dark parking lot or loose bowels before a transatlantic flight, but when a homeless man actually molests you or the plane is shot down in a no-fly zone, somehow you're considered wiser than everyone else. 

It's better only to mention your intuition after the fact or else you just look like a pussy or racist.

Climbing the Corporate Ladder

Climbing the corporate ladder doesn't take any physical strength.  In fact, it doesn't take hard work, intelligence, or free thinking either. 

Heavy flirting is the sole joy of sexless executives, so choose the most powerful guy with the most kids and sit next to him at happy hour.  Usually the slightest suggestion of possible sex is enough to get you to the next level without any carpet burn. 

Ugly people should be sure not to do any assignment unless absolutely necessary.  Volunteering for extra work is for pussies and pussies don't get respect.

Shortcuts

Life is not always easy unless you're wealthy or extremely pretty.  The time-tested strategy for making life truly easier is to mix a pitcher of martinis and hire an assistant with low self-esteem.  By so doing, you grow drunker, better looking, and more powerful in the working man's eyes. 

The shortcut to success is no secret and can be achieved in a single day.  Download a diploma online, put it in an expensive frame, stop being a pussy and don't let anyone get too close.