Daily Fucking Thought

Opinions

Everyone has an opinion and everyone wants to be right, which is why you can't believe anything anyone says.  Most things that come out of people's mouth are simply propaganda to get you to their way of thinking, even Pastor Todd.

If you want the truth, just make up your own. 

Where There's a Will

Where there's a will, there's someone you can pay off to get your way.  Sometimes payment is simply monetary, other times you can barter with what you bring to the table - like an afternoon at the club, box seats at the game, or hand sex.  Everyone has a price, even Pastor Todd.

There's never a reason to let anything stand in your way, especially when you're rich or without morals.

Positive Visualization

Positive visualization means blocking out your husband's mocking and your childrens' cries for more milk, and pretending that you're still sexually desirable and that you can actually make it to lunch before popping open a bottle of Chardonnay.  Just by dreaming of things that will probably never be true is supposed to be more effective than dragging yourself to the gym or admitting that you're an alcoholic, just like your Mom, your Mom's Mom, and Pastor Todd. 

Positive visualization is a lot like daydreaming, but with less nudity and fewer revenge fantasies.

Childhood

Childhood isn't about popsicles and bike rides, it's not about slumber parties and endless summers.  Childhood is a time for public humiliations, private heartbreaks and losing your innocence on the school bus.  The hard knocks in childhood make you develop a complex personality, a biting sense of humor and give you good war stories to tell in jail.  It turns out that your parents' divorce and Pastor Todd's inappropriate touch are the best things that ever happened to you. 

While the kids with perfect childhoods now drive better cars, they're really crappy to be stuck on a road trip with. 

Loneliness

Just because the other girls at school tease you for not wearing a bra and even your pastor finds your jokes kind of stupid, doesn't mean you should let yourself be lonely.  In a world full of online strangers, reality show marathons and low-density foods, loneliness is a thing of the past.

Following random men on Twitter gives you intimate knowledge of strangers, while spending a whole day with the Real Housewives lets you forget you've never left your county.  If your modem acts up or it's lights out, keep a stash or Oreos in the nightstand and kiss the sting of alienation goodbye.

Commitment

When you commit to something, you must follow through.  Flaky people seem shifty, but a man of his word seems solid, like a fat girl.  Keep in mind that the only thing separating us from wolves is our ability to commit and our use of textiles. 

Don't fear commitment, just don't commit to much.  It is okay to be 52 and never married, despite what your pastor says.  Remember to always put your needs before others, even natural disaster victims.