There comes a time in life when you have to spread your wings -
usually sometime after high school and before perimenopause. It's your time
to prove you can pay your own cell phone bill, launder your own
underpants, and subsist solely on Easy Mac and Popov.
You'll know when it's time to spread your wings if your parents charge
you with breaking and entering or move to Tampa.
Being a good mom means always having enough almond milk in the fridge
and being able to ferret out gluten from across the room, especially at
birthday parties. Good moms focus on removing joy and dairy from their
kid's lives and adding fake meat and fake allergies, also known as
sensitivities.
It's less about values and quality time and more about getting Liam
into the hippie school and one-upping Lexi's mom when it comes to snack
scheduling.
Everyone has a soft spot, even Navy Seals and racists. Soft spots are
the only way you can get money from your tight-fisted father and kisses from your alcoholic, closeted boyfriend.
Soft spots sometime include kitties, homemade lasagna and tickles under the chin.
