Daily Fucking Thought

Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself to others only makes you feel badly if you choose taller people with cleaner blood lines and mintier breath.  Line yourself up next to the barren, the birthmarked and the palsied and chances are you'll feel like tooting your own horn.

Plus, once you realize how many gross people surround you, you'll focus less on your self-esteem and more on your hand washing.

Making Excuses

If you don't make excuses, others will simply think you're lazy or unmotivated.  If you don't explain your failures with a variety of reasons, everyone is going to think you're just not good enough, proving your parole officer right.

The best excuses are the ones that lie entirely outside of your control, like genes or ethnicity.  Other good excuses come from early childhood traumas, history of alcoholism or drug addiction, and having any type of palsy.