Daily Fucking Thought

Creativity

Creativity, like your husband's patience and fossil fuels, is finite.  The older you get, the less creative you become, mainly because you drank away that part of your brain and thinking outside the box cuts into your Target and Sam's Club time.

This means if you were an especially imaginative child, you're never going to be a good scrapbooker.  Though it hurts, you just have to accept it. 

Maternal Instincts

Maternal instincts pop up where you least expect them, like when you're watching a Ziploc commercial or when your husband gets in a fender bender and just needs to be held.  You don't have to push a baby through your ladyhood to satisfy your maternal instincts, especially with all the baby Chinese girls and narcissists available. 

Even trees like to be hugged, and they'll never pull away first.

Broken Hearts

Time doesn't ever really heal a broken heart, it just makes you fuzzier on all the details, especially if you're in a golden years romance.  There is no real cure for a broken heart, but percocet makes it hurt less and cyber-bullying takes your mind off of it, meaning you'll waste less time crying and have more time for fondue.

To prevent a broken heart, never open yourself up in the first place.  It seems to work well for nuns and orphans. 

How lovely

How lovely that your boss is a blow-hard – he makes the warmth of spring seem cheap and tawdry. How wonderful that we disagree – we can all speak louder and hear our own voices.  How great to be uncomfortable – you’ll be prepared to run into your gynecologist at a cocktail party.

It’s pretty awesome to live in a world filled with challenges, difficulties and obstacles.  The mentally and physical disabled and orphans are actually glad, deep down inside.