Book club is just a front for drinking wine and complaining about
your husband's weird sex stuff, just like swim team is a front for your
son's first attempts at homosexuality. No one cares if you've read
Oprah's canon, as long as your glass is full and you can relate to
hatred of sensual massage oil and scarf play.
Some women actually
do want to discuss the books - usually the uptight, barren ones.
If you write something on a piece of paper and put it in your wallet, it
will definitely come true. It's like throwing a penny into a fountain
for the Oprah-era, especially if you're too lazy or embarrassed to make a
vision board.
It will come true unless it has something to do with winning the
lottery, losing weight, finding a disease-free man, getting your GED, or
your general fortune changing because, let's face it, nothing ever
really changes.
A vision board is a big collage for adults that helps attract Benteys
and Denzel Washington dopplegangers to poor and lonely people. Nothing
can come into your life unless you find it in a glossy periodical and
glue stick it to a piece of foam board, even though most people get the
herpes and 90% of those people didn't positively visualize the herpes.
The bottom line is Oprah believes in vision boards, so you should, too.
Tomorrow is the best day of the week because tomorrow has more
potential than half the girls at Texas Cheer Camp 2008. Tomorrow the
sun comes out, the diet starts and the lottery numbers may finally come
up your way to pull you out of soul-numbing debt.
If you are highly efficient and do everything today, you turn tomorrow
into a barren wasteland. You're basically robbing tomorrow of its
purpose even though tomorrow never did anything to you. Also, if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, won't you be sad that you
wasted hours shredding your tax documents rather than watching an all
new Oprah?
