Just because you were born with a penis doesn't mean you're a man, just
like having a moustache doesn't make you Magnum PI. To be a real man,
you have to own at least one piece of leather furniture, have kung fu
daydreams and be able to ejaculate without weeping.
Oddly enough, the bigger the labia, the better the woman.
Being romantic means pretending to feel the way you felt early in your
relationship - before she lost her sense of humor and her battle
with the bulge. The world of romance is a make-believe place where
sweatpants and backne don't exist.
If you need some pointers, just pretend you're in an
Enrique Iglesias video or still alive inside.
Self-deprecating jokes are a way to be up front about being flawed and
crazy without seeming desperate and scaring people. A man who jokes
about having a teeny ween definitely has a teeny ween (you've never
heard Tom Selleck make a light switch joke) and nine times out of ten, a
woman who jokes about being in love with her cat keeps tuna in her handbag.
Some people think self-deprecating jokes are a sign of confidence, but
those people are assholes.
