Daily Fucking Thought

Life's Little Mysteries

Some things you just have to chalk up to being life's little mysteries, like why men cry and how your parents ever had successful, consensual sex.  You're never going to make sense of everything, especially when you have a hard time pronouncing your own last name and making it through breakfast without an outburst.

You just don't need to understand everything, especially since God created white wine. 

Sowing Oats

Before you get married, it's important to sow your wild oats so you don't have any regrets.  Because apparently even though you're a moral man, you'll regret not doing ungodly things with loose women and not bedding half of the Spanish club before you settle down into a life of decency with a good woman who wants nothing more than to love you.

Some men don't have to sow their wild oats, but they usually have low testosterone levels or get into pornography.

Minorities

The minority group you choose to identify is even more important than where you sat in the high school cafeteria.  Though some language barriers are beyond your control, if you say you're part of a minority group with conviction, few naysayers will be brazen enough to oppose you.  Prey upon the politically correct. 

Your minority is best evidenced by the way you walk, talk, eat and by whether or not you choose to engage in premarital sex.  If you're unhappy with your minority affiliation, a change in vernacular or choosing to worship in a different house of the Lord will likely get you there, especially if you check the corresponding box on your Federal Tax return.  Either way, your minority is yours to choose at any moment, without excessive plastic surgery or painful hormone treatments.