Addictions are like matter in the universe - they're never destroyed,
just replaced by something else. Post lap band surgery, binge drinking
can replace your emotional eating and when your mortgage rates soar,
you can start huffing toilet bowl cleaner instead of expensive Dust Off.
Even marathon runners and body builders are trying to make up for some sort of porn addiction or homosexuality.
With today's technology, you don't have to wait for your annual
Christmas letter to let everyone know how awesome your life is.
Facebook status updates, tweets and Kodak photo mugs let you brag about
Tommy's superior IQ and your impressive baccarat payout under the guise
of keeping in touch.
It's easier to make your online 'friends' jealous because you never post photos of your pock marks or mention your husband's perversions.
If you come from a good family name, it doesn't matter if you win or
lose because the stadium is named after your grandparents. Old money is a free pass for ganky
teeth, DUI's and starring roles in leaked sex tapes, even if you get into the fetish stuff or co-star with your brother.
If you weren't born a Rockefeller, try marrying in or amassing serious
wealth, because new money is just as good, especially on the west
coast.
Toddlers, puppies and mid-Westerners approach life with a wide-eyed zeal, excited to meet new people, go new places and enter contests. Before they experience a broken heart, fall off a truck or use their allowance for drugs, life seems like a fairy tale.
If you want to go soft, spend time around them and you'll start to think the world is decent and no one you know watches fetish porn.
