Daily Fucking Thought

Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in many countries, which means your newborn is essentially a terrorist.  Anyone who needs to eat 10 - 12 times a day is selfish, even emotional eaters or those with hyperthyroidism.

The only upside is you have a great excuse to blow off work and praise band.

Blame Biology

In reality, you have very little control over your life as most of your thoughts, actions and drives are biologically based.  Skinny men are attracted to sturdy women so their babies aren't weaklings, pre-teens move in herds so one doesn't get beaten by a bully, and we keep on eating, even when we're full because starving to death would be worse.

This means you can get away with being a fat, greedy whore who can't think for herself. 

Scuttlebutt

When you've run out of things to talk about because Project Runway doesn't start until next week and Gossip Girl is in repeats, starting homosexual rumors about co-workers or gossiping about celebrities makes you seem more interesting.  People want to stop by your desk if they think you've got something juicy.

It also helps deflect attention away from your own life, which is sparse on the scuttlebutt since your husband left and you decided food is your only true friend.