Daily Fucking Thought

Certain Things

Nothing is certain in life but death and herpes.  You can't rely on your mother to remember to pick you up from ballet or count on May-Maw to get your name right, but one day you're going to get a strange tingling sensation on your lip and some day you're going to stop breathing.  It's just fact.   

Taxes are probable, but can be avoided if you're illegal or Wesley Snipes.

Everyone Has a Story

Everyone can tell you a story that might make you cry, especially if you're suffering from PMS or recently lost a pet.  Everyone you meet brings with them the baggage of all of their heartbreak, death, and lost lawsuits, which can make them bitter, angry or totally irrational.

When the jerk on the bus lashed out and threw a quarter at your head, you should be sympathetic because he hasn't dealt with his issues - somehow that's your problem.

Take it With You

When you're dead, it's hard to spend money.  Though as a general rule, you can't take it with you, creating a legal foundation, marrying a much younger man or being buried in a ruby suit are all great ways to keep your hard earned dollars from your self-absorbed nieces and nephews.

Even death cannot stop the power your money holds over everyone in your life.

As Good as it Gets

Make the most of this moment because you could be involved in a traffic accident or be diagnosed with something too embarrassing to be written about in your obituary.  Make sure you have more than the guy next to you, because you’re nothing if he doesn’t covet your wife or your square footage.

Look around you – this might be as good as it gets.  Right now is the culmination of all of your hard work and fantasizing – the apex of your fortune.  This is the most hair you’ll ever have.  Live with it.