Daily Fucking Thought

Party Tricks

When it comes to party tricks, shoving your whole fist in your mouth or channeling Sean Connery isn't going to set you apart.  Be a standout by picking your nose with your big toe, drinking a bottle of ketchup or opening a Michelob with your butt cheeks.   

Jesus didn't have millions of Latino men named after him by knotting a cherry stem with his tongue, he had to turn some unfiltered tap water into a crisp Savignon Blanc.

You're White and That's Okay

Few things make you feel whiter than ordering a white wine at a dive bar or saying "Salt N Pepa" instead of "Salt and Pepper."   It's not your fault that you have the same name as your great-grandfather -  no matter how many times you watch Stomp the Yard, you're never going to krump and that's okay.

Stick to regattas, company softball leagues and music groups that use proper grammar.