Daily Fucking Thought

Your True Colors

Your true colors are things you try to hide from other people, lest they don't want to carpool with you or marry you.  No one needs to know you're a rage-a-holic or cruel to animals, especially if you remember to take your pills on an empty stomach.

In order to not show your true colors, only assemble Ikea furniture and/or guzzle savignon blanc in the privacy of your own home. 

Someone for Everyone

There's always someone for everyone because getting married is like musical chairs - people panic and choose the nearest possible spouse without considering male pattern baldness or consistent oral hygiene.  No one wants to be the last one standing, because the last one standing is unlovable.

Don't worry if you're thick in the thighs or bi-polar - someone who's on parole or Rumpsringa is out there waiting to grab you so they seem normal.

Holding a Grudge

Holding a grudge is stressful, which means you're going to end up bitter and fat.  Since you don't want to get kicked out of carpool or make the move to Lane Bryant, you need to exact revenge immediately and let go of the anger.  Consider sleeping with an enemy's father, boiling a beloved pet or a subtle alleyway clubbing.

Exacting revenge is easier than forgiveness because it's more physical and tangible.