Book club is just a front for drinking wine and complaining about
your husband's weird sex stuff, just like swim team is a front for your
son's first attempts at homosexuality. No one cares if you've read
Oprah's canon, as long as your glass is full and you can relate to
hatred of sensual massage oil and scarf play.
Some women actually
do want to discuss the books - usually the uptight, barren ones.
It's easy to love your dog more than your wife because you don't have to
spend holidays small talking with your dog's parents and your dog
doesn't want to talk about infertility during a Dirty Jobs marathon.
Your wife can't scare off small vermin or earn you 2nd place in the
Muskrat Hunt four years running, but she can flirt with your brother and
run up your Penney's charge card.
You're not allowed to love your dog too much, though, or else the
authorities get involved.
Children are the best excuse for missing cocktail parties and for
leaving work earlier and more frequently than your single or barren
co-workers. It's especially helpful if your children are frequently
ill or have some sort of special need that require a lot of
appointments and coddling.
Children also help justify your obsession with animation and the Jonas Brothers.
