Daily Fucking Thought

Certain Things

Nothing is certain in life but death and herpes.  You can't rely on your mother to remember to pick you up from ballet or count on May-Maw to get your name right, but one day you're going to get a strange tingling sensation on your lip and some day you're going to stop breathing.  It's just fact.   

Taxes are probable, but can be avoided if you're illegal or Wesley Snipes.

Immaturity

Futons, tapestries and optimism are all signs of immaturity.  As you grow older, it's important to shop at Pottery Barn and to let go of the idea that the world is a fair place filled with reasonable people and the notion that if you work hard enough, you can have whatever you want. 

Signs of maturity include a fixed-rate mortgage, overstuffed loveseats, and dead eyes. 

Spending Money

Society and marketing force us to buy a lot of things we don't need, like life insurance and deodorant.  Unless you live off the grid or inside the compound walls, every day you're forced to spend your hard-earned money on things like gas and lipstick so that other people can have jobs and spend their hard-earned money on gas and lipstick, too.

Money really does make the world go round, except for in China because of that whole Communism thing.

Make a Million

Those who can, do.  Those who can't, write how-to books and sell them on infomercials.  The easiest way to make a million dollars is to write a book about how to make a million dollars and sell it on TBS after hours.

Don't despair if you were born without talent, a good work ethic or people skills.  All you need is a ghost writer, a marketing plan and a conscience that allows you to prey on people's dreams of financial independence, self-love, or weight loss.  After all, this is America and that's what America is all about.