Daily Fucking Thought

Spring

Spring is when outside smells like your grandmother's neck and you remember how fat your knees are.  Some people spend spring in love, but most people spend it chewing anti-histamines and looking for t-shirts that will cover their bingo wave.

Spring is a time of rebirth and regrowth, especially for eating disorders and pubes. 

Language

Using youthful language, like scrilla for money and kicks for sneakers, makes you really popular with the younger crowd.  Studying urbandictionary.com ensures you won't get ripped off when trying to buy street goods in Hollywood and your kids will definitely feel comfortable talking to you about sex.

Acronyms also keep you in the loop, so LOL, LMAO and BRB to your heart's content, especially if you're a MILF.

Giving Advice

Advice is something you give so that you can hear out loud how smart and right you are.  It allows you to tell other people to do things that you yourself are too lazy to do, like seeking professional help and turning old gold jewelry into cash. 

There are also times when it's best just to shut up and feign listening, like when a friend's on his death bed or Days of Our Lives is on.