Daily Fucking Thought

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is essentially carte blanche for everything from not making the Math-o-holics to being nicknamed the "Earl of Blow Jobs" to living a life of crime.  Low self-esteem is an ideal excuse, especially if you have a large schnoz or thick thighs, because then it's more believable.

If you're good-looking, you're out of luck unless your parents got divorced or your brother got leukemia. 

Positive People

Positive people always look on the bright side and rarely see the worst in people, which makes them miserable to be around.  You can't trust or have a real conversation with positive people, especially if you're not slow. 

On the other hand, positive people are the best to double cross or swindle out of money as they probably won't press charges. 

Things You'll Never Know

There are some things you're never going to know, like how to spell yachts and why your husband likes whores. The world is a complicated place, so it's okay not to know everything, especially if you're dyslexic or buzzed.

It's important to stop trying to figure it all out, because stress causes wrinkles and/or cancer.