Daily Fucking Thought

Respecting Elders

It's important to respect your elders, even though they often chew with their mouths open and walk around with the barn door open.  Your elders might consistently forget the gate code and think that Twitter is a nervous condition, but they've been on the earth longer than you have and for some reason that's important.

Keep your correct opinions to yourself and roll your eyes in private, or publicly if your elder suffers from glaucoma.

Directing Negative Energy

If you don't give your anger, fear and frustration an outlet, you could give yourself cancer or experience a mean case of vertigo.  Finding a good release, like cyber bullying or germophobia, could literally save your life, allowing you more time to accumulate anger and frustrations.

Since everything from your gym teacher to the I.N.S. cause anger, it's important to not direct your hatred directly back at the cause or else you'd be downright exhausted.  Choose one scapegoat, like the lady in your office with the limp and unleash it all on her, leaving you more time and energy for Motocross.

Loneliness

Just because the other girls at school tease you for not wearing a bra and even your pastor finds your jokes kind of stupid, doesn't mean you should let yourself be lonely.  In a world full of online strangers, reality show marathons and low-density foods, loneliness is a thing of the past.

Following random men on Twitter gives you intimate knowledge of strangers, while spending a whole day with the Real Housewives lets you forget you've never left your county.  If your modem acts up or it's lights out, keep a stash or Oreos in the nightstand and kiss the sting of alienation goodbye.