Daily Fucking Thought

The Meek

The meek shall inherit the earth, but they won't get the best parking spots or airline upgrades.  While the meek are often well liked because they're too cowardly to speak their minds, they're not often respected, like the little brother who never really grew big enough to exact revenge. 

Being meek is fine if you're unattractive or suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, but not smart if you want free stuff or don't believe in the afterlife.

Life's Unfair

Life isn't fair, which is why some people are born with a unibrow and others get childhood leukemia.  If you dwell on the unfairness you just seem weak and whiny which means you'll probably be eating lunch alone. 

The sooner you accept that life is only good for the wealthy and the tall, the happier you'll be.

You've Made It

The more you have, the smaller the things you worry about become.  Poor people worry about getting through the week without the gas and water being turned off, while wealthy people fret over the temperature of their cappuccino and the shape of their privacy hedge.

In other words, you know you've made it when you've become an asshole.

Get Married

It's important to get married or team up with a life partner or else you have no one to blame for all of your unhappiness.  A victim isn't readily available when you live alone, forcing you to look inward or blame your parents, which is kind of sad after 30. 

Marriage also guarantees that you won't become obsessed with your pets or pegged as a heavy masturbator in gossip circles.