Children are a gift sent from God to help you with the dusting and to get you a Diet Pepsi from the downstairs fridge when you're too tired to get up off the couch. But children are a lifelong commitment, and unlike a tattoo, they need to be nurtured and cared for. Though expensive and ungrateful, they pay for themselves if you start correctly from day one.
If you're unable to have children, a puppy can be trained to suit your needs. After all, they can lead the blind and smell drugs hidden in the deepest, dirtiest body cavities.
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